How I coped With Grief
as a Life Coach
I saw my Mum for the last time on Mothers’ Day.
Photo by Marci Angeles on Unsplash
It was Sunday 10 May 2020. Our nation was deep in the troughs of the COVID-19 pandemic and we were in lockdown. Just as the world was hit with calamity, so was I a part of this hurricane — except I also experienced a tornado.
As every loving child sent bouquets of flowers to their beloved mother on this special day, so did I. My mum was surrounded by a room full of vibrant flora. They truly reflected how she was as a person — kind, loving, generous, and full of zest for life.
Sadly, she didn’t smell the sweet fragrance nor feel the soft petals. A glass pane separated us…
As the music blasted, her friends tearfully bade farewell to her. Due to the lockdown restrictions, only a handful of close family members and friends were allowed to be part of our final send-off for her.
My last words to her were loud and clear — “I love you, Mummy!”
A year on, these words still trigger Niagara Falls for me. At this point, I’m reaching out for tissues as I type…
You Can’t Pause Grief
Grief — it’s one of the least understood emotions of all. You can read a ton of books on it, but unless you experience it yourself, you will never know what it’s like…
When your eyes suddenly become misty. When your nose starts to run out of the blue. When trickles start rolling down your cheeks. Out of nowhere. In the middle of doing nothing. It just comes without warning.
Grief — it’s one of the least understood emotions of all. You can read a ton of books on it, but unless you experience it yourself, you will never know what it’s like…
When your eyes suddenly become misty. When your nose starts to run out of the blue. When trickles start rolling down your cheeks. Out of nowhere. In the middle of doing nothing. It just comes without warning.
There is no pause button. The only way to stop crying is to let the tears empty out. Over and over.
It retreats only to return a few days later, a few weeks later, a few months later. Nobody knows when or why but it does.
How I coped With My Grief
As a parent and solopreneur, I still need to keep fulfilling these obligations. And as someone who’s still alive and well, my ultimate obligation to myself is to continue living my life well. I needed to keep moving on.
As a blessing in disguise, I had just started a ‘COVID-19 Support Group for Working Mums’ 2 weeks prior to Mum’s passing. I spent the rest of the next 3 months occupying myself with helping mothers there. I ran expert interviews, organized ‘live’ sessions, and wrote and posted articles to encourage Mums who were working from home while struggling with the chaos of having the entire family under the same roof all day.
At first, I pride myself on getting back to the rhythm so fast! Sure, I am a MAP practitioner and life coach who’s well-trained to help my clients deal with any mental, emotional, and physical challenges. (The MAP Method™ is the coaching technique I use to help others manage their thoughts and emotions.) I even train people to be certified practitioners. Of course, I could deal with any kind of emotions including grief.
In truth, it was a distraction for me. I had to focus on something and helping others was the best way to keep me going. No time to stop lest I use up another box of tissues.
Actually, Grief is one of those emotions you don’t try to MAP away.